


Doodle Dilemma

by CraveyQueen1



Category: Newsies, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Gen, OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Please read notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:19:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CraveyQueen1/pseuds/CraveyQueen1





	Doodle Dilemma

They were on the corner of his desk.

Crutchie noticed the doodles the moment he got to his seat. The star, the arrow and the house glared up at him. He wondered how they got there. He wondered how his teacher thought they got there.

He remembered last week when he'd told Finch about how he couldn't go into the left door of a set of two without feeling anxious(1). Finch had told him that he was pretty sure most people didn't care about that kind of thing (2). Crutchie had made a personal pact that he was going to start letting things go(3). Yesterday he'd gone through the right door to enter the mall. He felt off for the next two hours. When he left and when he got to school that morning he'd gone through the left door.

Crutchie sat down and pulled his backpack onto his lap. He took out his binder and pencil case. He tapped his back left chair leg four times(4). He remembered the test and tapped it another two times(4).

He opened the binder on his desk, making sure it covered the doodles. He started flipping through his notes.

The doodles were like a huge door blocking the way to any other thoughts(5).

He wanted to wipe the doodles away so he could move on. But he didn't want to do everything his brain told him to do anymore(6). He knew he just had to think about something else.

He started thinking that maybe it had been him that drew on the desk yesterday and had forgotten(7). He felt guilty. He realized that if he had drawn on the desk he would have remembered it so he shouldn't worry about it. The guilt did not go away. He did not stop worrying about it.

He wondered what it meant for his memory if he was debating whether he’d done something he should remember doing. His stomach twisted as he wondered if maybe he was developing a memory problem(8). He didn't know if you could go to a doctor for that sort of thing.

“Alright, class,” said Mr. North, standing up from his desk. “Put away everything but a pencil and an eraser. I’ll be handing out the tests in a moment.

Crutchie hadn’t read a single sentence of his notes(9).

He took out a pencil and put away his pencil case. He closed his binder and he could see those doodles.

He put the binder under his desk and stared straight ahead.

He felt like he was going to throw up. It had nothing to do with the test(10).

He saw Mr. North was distributing tests to the first person in every row to hand back. Which meant he’d be standing right in front of Crutchie’s desk. Which meant he’d think Crutchie had been the one to draw on the desk. Which meant he’d be mad or at least disappointed. Crutchie thought that maybe Mr. North had seen the doodle when he came in or at least wouldn’t care.

He didn’t want to risk it(11).

Crutchie spit on the cuff of his flannel shirt and wiped the doodles away(12).

Notes:

  * I am not a therapist, a psychiatrist, a doctor, or a counselor and I do not claim to be. This is based off of personal experience but also things I have read and have been told by professionals.

  * At this point Crutchie would have OCD but would not be diagnosed or seeking professional treatment.

  * (1) OCD can convince people that there is a ‘correct’ way to do things and doing it the ‘wrong’ way will lead to consequences.

  * (2)When Crutchie talks to Finch it is brought to his attention this behaviour and these feelings are unusual, even surprising to Finch and other people who do not have OCD that Crutchie would ever worry about having to go through the ‘correct’ door.

  * (3)Crutchie had probably already had suspicions that the things he had to do to be comfortable were not something everybody did. Or that if they did do these things it was not in a way visible to others. He would probably be already working to, if not get rid of his compulsions, to make sure they were not visible to others.

  * (3)But with confirmation from Finch he would work both harder to hide compulsions and to try and free himself of compulsions and obsessions even though he would not know they were compulsions and obsessions (he would, as in this story, likely be unsuccessful because as he does not know he has OCD he cannot reach out for support, treatment and coping techniques that work).

  * (4)This is an example of a ritual. Every person with OCD will have different rituals. It is the idea of, “If I do X, I have to do Y”. In Crutchie’s case it is, “If I sit at my desk, I have to tap this specific chair leg four times, twice more if it’s a test day”. Though these two things seem unrelated, a person with OCD will believe they have to do this thing or there will be consequences.

  * (5) Crutchie’s fixation on these doodles would be an example of an obsession (Hence: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

  * (6) There are ways people with OCD can lower their anxiety about compulsions through the right techniques. These techniques would often be learned from a counselor or trusted resource (Such as a website or a book) but again, since Crutchie is not aware where these feelings of anxiousness about seemingly nothing come from he cannot use these methods because he doesn't know them.

  * (7) Invasive thoughts will often come up with ridiculous ideas such as things that didn’t happen happening. Crutchie knows that he was not the one to draw on the desk but his OCD cannot let it go.

  * (8) OCD can convince people and lead them into obsessions about having diseases, other mental illnesses, pretty much anything.

  * (9) Obsessions can often prevent people with OCD from being able to do things from something as big as not being able to take a certain route home because something on that route will affect their OCD to something as simple as being a distraction from other thoughts.

  * (10) OCD will often cause people to be very upset and/or anxious about things that would not occur to people who didn’t have OCD to get worked up over. This can often distract from anxieties almost anyone would have such as test anxiety.

  * (11) Obsessions related to cleanliness and order are the most well known obsessions of people with OCD to people who do not have OCD. It is known to many people as the only thing someone with OCD would be fixated on. THis is untrue as Obsessions take an infinite amount of forms, very often completely unrelated to cleanliness and order.

  * (11) To an observer of Crutchie’s actions here without understanding the thought process behind his actions an obsession with cleanliness and order seems to be the driving point here. Even if their was knowledge that Crutchie had OCD, people, especially people who do not have OCD, would assume the thought process was: Crutchie sees doodle, he does not like that it is making his desk dirty, and so he wipes it off. However, if one is to see the actual thought process it is evident that Crutchie is not feeling the need to clear the doodles away because they mess with his idea of order and cleanliness. Crutchie feels like he has to clear them away because he fears it is an act of petty vandalism that he will be blamed for. His obsession comes from a place of guilt at the idea he could have done something frowned upon like vandalism (no matter how small).

  * (12) This is Crutchie doing the compulsion (cleaning away) that the obsession (you did something wrong/you will get in trouble) tells him to do.

  * If a person with OCD does the compulsion that the obsession tells them to do it is nothing to be ashamed of. A person with OCD should not do what their compulsions and obsessions tell them to do because with the proper techniques they can feel more comfortable and free from these feelings. It is not because they are doing anything that’s necessarily wrong.




 


End file.
